VAMPYRES

JASMINE'S TAKE

Vampyres started out pretty cool, and I was excited for it's promise to deliver a festival of blood, sex, and naked women. Unfortunately, I was greeted by an uninteresting plot with repetitive kills, bad editing and special effects. The women were beautiful but one-dimensional, the vampire bites during scenes of seduction were oddly ineffective (they appeared to physically bite through their victim's flesh, but there was never any visual sign of it), and there wasn't enough of it for my liking. It makes you wonder if the heads of the effects department were out sick, and the cast just said, "Fuck it. Let's just pour blood on them and hope no one notices". Ultimately this was a boring film; one that not even beautifully naked, blood-covered vampire women could save.

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JEREMIAH'S TAKE

Victor Matellano and Jose Ramon Larraz placed themselves in a rather difficult position in attempting to remake/retell the classic (1974) vampire erotic film of the same name. Mostly following the same narrative beat of the original (a bisexual vampire couple lures and feeds on unassuming victims) this 2015 iteration plays it safe in that regard, and like most remake attempts, is exactly why it fails to elicit the same admiration received by it's inspirational source. It's violent without being scary, explicit without being sexy, and loquacious without really having anything new to say. I suppose if a new coat of paint is enough to pique your interest, than by all means have a go. Parts of the production values are high enough to elevate the film above the otherwise obvious small budget trappings - as a result there are some visually interesting scenes to be had here, with the  blood bath set-piece being the most arresting one (it's featured prominently in the film's official trailer for a reason). Ultimately however, Vampyres does very little to make up for it's shortcomings; the stilted performances, plodding pace, and awkward eroticism simply weigh the film down too much for me to look past it all, making it hard for me to enjoy.

 
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