Get Married or Die is a schizophrenic phone-booth style dark comedy. On the surface, it has a fitting premise, it knows what it wants to do, but it can't make up its mind on how to do it. It's also pretty far removed from anything remotely resembling a horror film, and I suppose while that's neither here nor there, it is still something worth noting given this website's proclivities; we make exceptions of course, but they damn well better be good ones (see I, Tonya). Get Married or Die, is no I, Tonya.
When an obsessed old man enters a one-person photo studio he gives its lecherous owner a fatal ultimatum - convince his next female client to marry him, or the man will kill them both.
It's a cooky enough idea that should work as a vehicle for some quality laughs and juicy drama, but unfortunately the film takes itself far too serious far too soon, and we're left with a stick-in-the-mud melodrama that comes across as an awkward cautionary tale. Even worse, because the premise is so far fetched and the approach so deadpan (the ending especially), it almost comes across as a parody of itself, which is a shame, because the lead performances are pretty good (Jason London does an especially fine job of playing the douchebag womanizer role). And that's really it; I have nothing left to say.